I can’t sleep. I need to do a mental dump to clear my head. Sorry in advance.
I saw a picture online of a starving 2 year old child in Nigeria who was left to die by his parents because he was a “witch”. I don’t know why I’m online at 3 a.m. but I am & I am disturbed.
This child looks like my baby. His large head & cute toddler exterior. Famished. Apparently Christian pastors are deeming some African children to be “witches” & they are left by their families. How horrifying.
My baby stirs in the night & I nurse him immediately. I spoke to a lactation consultant today & she reassured me that my 14 month old nursing at night is fine (if fine with me). I only began to hesitant to continue night nursing when a pediatrician (not my baby’s) stated he didn’t need it nutritionally. True but he is looking for comfort. I won’t feel guilty for this.
Life can be overwhelming sometimes. You’re just trucking right along & whoa, it’s a lot. You get sick, people get sick. I’m trying to meditate.
In college, a professor asked what would you do if your baby was sick & there was medication behind the pharmacist that he wouldn’t give you. I said I’d steal it. The professor laughed. I doubted myself. Maybe I wouldn’t steal, I thought.
Now so many years later, I reflect. Of course I would steal the meds. I’d steal some pedialyte too.
There’s a new worldview now. It’s called baby. He is my life & I’d do anything to secure his safety, happiness & good health. I’m a helicopter mom in the making. I don’t care. Because guess what I’ve been working on for a long time? Boundaries.
I’ve listened to all the well-meaning advice from everyone. It’s exhausting. Sorry stranger, I don’t need your input about how to feed my baby.
A late New Years resolution:
Honor the innate wisdom of the self & of the signals my child gives me.
We can ebb & flow into our needs. I hear you, baby, & together we can make today & tomorrow better. For ourselves, our family & hopefully, for our community too.
I’m proud to extend breastfeed my child. Never mind that around the globe, this is the norm. How dare you for making me feel like I’m doing something wrong in continuing to provide for my child’s immunity, emotional needs & more.
Still, I forgive the chatter & judgement. We deserve peace.
